sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
