I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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