I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
