Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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