The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
