Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
where am i from again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
