4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
