Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
