Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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