I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
