How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
