just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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