Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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