gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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