explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
