Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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