That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
