took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
