Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize