Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
