Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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