we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
