is your mom at the bar?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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