thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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