A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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