That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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