I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize