She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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