remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
