So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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