Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
