I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
