we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
where are my eyebrows?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
