My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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