Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
