maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
