Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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