No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
