I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
