Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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