Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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