If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
