Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
