Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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