Me too!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
