Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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