Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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