my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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