3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
