it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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