Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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