I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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