Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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