Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
