i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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