Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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