Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
