Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize