you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
