I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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