I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i will never coherently bang her
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
