yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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