Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
honey bunches of taint.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
