Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
