Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk is a universal language darling
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