OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
