I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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