Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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