I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
