all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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