please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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