grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
