I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
