No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
