in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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