...so i touched it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
