you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
