whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
