God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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