so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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