why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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