afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
MIDGETS
????
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
