I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize