I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
