Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize